I Must Say
by 24Chocoholic24
Summary: What if, in Post Hoc, Kate had revealed Jordan's secret to Woody?  WJ, of course.


**I Must Say**

© Emily Mason 2007

What if, in Post Hoc, Kate had let Woody know about Jordan's secret? Here it is…

* * *

Woody smiled at Jordan, having relieved Kate of the babysitting duty. Jordan took her seat on the couch with a book, leaving Woody looking to her expectantly. "So, what are we gonna do?" he asked.

Jordan, longing to be to herself, decided to go for some simple down-time. "I- I'm just gonna sit here… and read… if you don't mind."

Woody nodded stiffly, unsure of what would be an appropriate pastime for himself. "What do _I_ do?"

Jordan was out of ideas. Guys always love to eat, though. It was stupid – and she knew it – but she was at the end of her rope. "There's food… in the fridge. Help yourself," she offered. To her relief, he took her up on it.

Once he had finished off her leftover spaghetti, Woody checked Jordan's schedule. Picking up the paper, one couldn't help but notice the green sticky note posted over the last shift's records. The detective removed the note and read the message Kate had left for him. As he stood again, he replaced the small paper and turned to face the woman on the couch. "Jordan," he questioned coolly – but gently, – catching her attention. Without looking up from her book, she responded with a halfhearted, "huh?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" The question was met with a tired, blank stare. The only answer was a small, confused shake of the head as she tried to get on the same page as Woody.

"What, even Kate can know, but I don't _deserve_ to? Is that it?" Woody was concerned and hurt, and his voice let her know it. He knew she knew she could come to him about anything. _Anything!!_

Jordan's mouth hung open in puzzlement as she stared at the man before her through wide eyes. "What are you talking about?" she demanded. Without a word, Woody led her gaze to the post-it note. Still unaware of the contents of the note, she guessed at the subject of his curiosity. "Sticky notes? They're in the junk drawer. You could've just asked where they are. It's no big secret or anything…"

"Not the note, Jordan; it's what's in the note."

"I… I haven't read it… yet."

"According to Kate, you've been hallucinating."

"It's… I'm not… We fixed the dosage and now… it's fine," she nodded.

"You 'fixed' the dosage?" Woody asked incredulously.

"We're doctors. We can do that. And it worked."

"But what if it hadn't?"

"Then someone would've been here to deal with it and I'd have to return to the regular doses… and hallucinations."

"Did you talk to your doctor about this?"

"Are you crazy?" Jordan chuckled nervously.

Woody caught her eye with his and addressed her in all seriousness. "Jordan."

She automatically knew that he knew the answer. Now, he would be expecting her to explain herself. "I… couldn't," she started, sighing deeply between the words. She didn't want to admit the reason, so she said no more.

Woody knew that there was more to the story, but he also knew that he would have to pry information out of her. "How long have you been hallucinating?"

"I'm not—" She could try to sidestep and avoid a straight answer, but Woody had that look. He wore that look the day that he had pushed a criminal to confession that had passed four prior interviews. She knew she could not win against his intensity. "I had them a bit before the surgery, and ever since. It's okay—"

"No, it's not." Woody had made his way over to the couch while she spoke, and now he took a seat next to her. Jordan rolled her eyes, but Woody elaborated. "You should have told somebody…"

"So you could what? Send me back to surgery?" the woman wondered. Now it was Woody's turn to be confused, and he didn't need to tell her that he was. "I was afraid that the surgery hadn't worked; and I didn't want you guys to think the same. But then Kate figured out that it was just a side effect of my medicine. No big deal." Of course, thanks to Woodrow Wilson Hoyt, another desperate attempt to shake a problem off her shoulder was in vain.

"It _is_ a big deal, Jordan," he corrected her, his tone softening a bit more. "I can only hope that you're not keeping any more important secrets from the people that need to hear them!"

Jordan looked away from Woody, frowning. "Why must you go digging for my personal information like this?" She was genuinely frustrated. The only things she had really tried to keep from him were her fears, and she wanted it to stay that way.

"I love you, Jordan," he admitted. "I want to make things better for you. How am I supposed to do that when you keep your problems from me?"

The M.E. closed her eyes, opening them to look into the deep blues of the man at her side. "Talking about my problems makes me feel… weak… and stupid."

Woody chuckled in disbelief. "You are the strongest person I know," he told her, "and 'stupid' is the farthest word from my mind when I think about you!" He smiled, thinking about all the words that he _would_ use to describe Jordan Cavanaugh. _Beautiful, fun, athletic…_

"Thanks, but it's still… weird." By no means would she submit to him and spill her guts at this point, but now she _knew_ that it was indeed safe to talk to him about whatever.

"I think it's always weird to talk about our problems… and our feelings. But we _need _to," Woody explained, remembering the troubles that he kept to himself to this day. "_You_ need to."

"I know," Jordan squeaked. She wanted to build up a wall, to close her true self in, but she had a commitment to fulfill now. Her acknowledgement was also an agreement to stop hiding, at least from Woody. Her wit failed her and she was overwhelmed by conflicting thoughts. Opening her mouth to speak proved useless, she could not find words to use. Tears filled her eyes and Jordan could not hold them in. "I—" she choked out. Her intent was to excuse herself, but her medicines impaired her thinking and heightened her emotions. She cast her gaze down to the book in her lap as the tears spilled down her face.

Woody's heart ached as he watched her cry, hoping that he was not the source of her pain. This was the first time he had ever seen her cry like this. Fortunately, she did not protest when he reached over and gently rubbed her back. "Hey," he said soothingly. It did nothing to calm her tears, but he could think of few comforting words right now. All he really _could_ think about was how to make her happy. She said nothing, sobbing now.

It had been a long time since she had had a good cry, and many tears had been waiting to escape. By the time she had started crying, Jordan found that she couldn't stop. At least Woody was there to comfort her, even if he _didn't_ know what all she was upset about.

It didn't matter to Woody _what _she was upset about, only _that_ she was upset. Perhaps he couldn't fix anything for her at the time, but he could help her feel better about it. "Jordan…" He pulled her into his arms and held her, rocking her slowly until all her tears were shed. Soon, she was asleep, her arms around Woody and his around her. Careful not to wake her, he pulled his cell phone out and set the alarm. With plenty of time before Jordan's next dose of medicine, he tossed the phone onto the coffee table. He placed a tender kiss on the top of Jordan's head, his lips lingering in her soft, dark hair. Then, resting his cheek on the spot he had kissed, he fell into the most restful slumber he had had in several days.


End file.
